I am awake again after nursing the baby early in the morning, and I usually can't get back to sleep because I feel there is some that needs to get done.
Anyway, like most people, I feel better about myself, my life, when I can see results. Being a mom is always challenging to that - because the things you spend so much time on (shopping, food prep, cooking, baking, cleaning, laundry, kids homework, discipline) are all maintenance things. It is only possible to feel fulfilled that you actually accomplished something when you actually stop for a moment to notice the differences ("oh, yes, I see the mountain of laundry is now gone.") The problem is that I don't really take the time to stop, ever. If I do stop I pretty much feel guilty. (Now this I KNOW is my own problem.) But the reality is that whether you stop to notice it or not, you will be doing the same thing again tomorrow, (or in some cases in two hours.) This can be so deflating, defeating to see no obvious connection of rewards, accomplishments, to your efforts. Normally this is challenging at best. But when you mix in the added pressure of the economy, for me at least it is so much harder. Harder to feel good about what you are accomplishing, because the truth is it is not even enough.
Well, this is all true and depressing. And how do I stay not depressed? I don't know. I feel like I need to know I am not alone in taking everything on. I know that I am doing a lot, yet I keep trying to do more. The main thing for me is NOT to try to do more work, but to try to focus on being more efficient when I am working.
So I do two things:
I try to carve out something for me every day, even if is is literally minutes. This is so hard to do, and starts with things like: Take a break do drink a full glass of antioxidant rich juice, or take a break to do leg lifts while reading one page of my beloved business magazine, which reminds me of who I used to be, primarily, and a part of my life that I look forward to experiencing again.
And I ALWAYS, ALWAYS go stare at my children for a few minutes when they are asleep, because they are adorable and it reminds me of what REALLY matters.
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